why?

2008-06-12T23:29:00.004+08:00

Hello blog =)

Long time since I've seen you or looked back at my old entries.
Never realised I could write like that
Looks like I've learnt quite a bit too
Matured?
Wiser?
Calmer?
Maybe.

So I did rant alot about my Christian walk. Now looking back, it's really interesting, and I thank God for sustaining me through those trying times.

What really happened? No that can wait. I'll tell you why I revived this blog.
I guess through my trying times and this blog, God has used it to bless others, to help them understand the Christian walk better. It is of no credit to me because I'm merely an instrument of Christ. Glad that God has given me the privelege of being His instrument. Thank you Lord!

So what really happened?
I realised that being a christian was more than just going to church every sunday, singing hillsongs, getting high (so called filled with the Holy Spirit) and then spending all my time, energy in church and neglecting everything else. In short, being radical for Jesus. In fact, I would say, Christian walk isnt! I couldn't understand it when I first left el. It just felt wrong to go back, or to be near anyone like the people there.

I hated everything that had to do with being so-called radical for God. Why? The question was: if we talk about being radical for Jesus in the way that I was shown in the past, then how does it apply to everyday life? Mundane life? I seldom or rather had no what they called, encounters with God. It was also distressing because it seemed that everyone was kinda trying to seek after encounters with God, to experience God, show that God was with them. To me, the way they chased after those stuff it was no different from chasing fame, riches, etc. I had a problem with the way they tried to make themselves more like hillsongs. It's alright to want to improve the standard but it seemed more like trying to improve so as to impress people, make themselves a name, look like those famous american churches. If we needed to put in such stuff to keep people, what's the point? Is this what a church should be doing?

Also, I felt as though my faith in God was dependant on my friends. When they were down, I also stumbled. When they were high, I was high. When they left, I was devastated. When they changed, I withdrew.

So I left the church, went into a christian school, saw alot of stuff similar to what I just left and was ANGSTY. LOL hahaha. yups angsty. I'm sorry to all the people I gave quite a hell to. muahahaha..how I must have seriously questioned you guys and put you all in a spot. I wa going through this rough patch. What consisted of this rought patch? Alot. I felt that because of the way the church and peeople were heading, even the Christian faith seemed hopeless. But inside me I was struggling with this because I knew God is not determined by the church. How then to keep your faith without falling for such stuff? Was I wrong to critisize the church and the people for what i mentioned in the earlier 2 paragraphs? What if the Christian walk was really as such? I wouldn't be able to stand it! What was life all about then? What was the meaning of life? I wasn't doing well in studies. So what even if i were? I could achieve everything, but at the end still have to die. I know there's heaven but will I even make it in there? Was I holy enough? What made me holy? How do I walk the christian walk? Everyday life? What is the fine line having accepted Christ and not? So was I really a christian?? And what about my ownself? I'm so imperfect, lousy for that matter. No body really wanted me, I felt, no one truly cared. Where was God?

MUAHAHAHA
if you find the above going in circles, that was exactly what happened to me. I went in circles. Questioning, crying, asking, searching for answers. I needed to be alone. I needed to reconcile with myself.

So after a long time, i did that. But come A levels, school stopped. I began to come out of these circles and see how people worked. With God's blessing of Jeremy, I reconciled with myself.

Now looking back, God has blessed me. Truly. I was searching for an answer as to how to live the everyday mundane life. He has answered it by putting me in a (soon-to-be) profession where I will deal with everyday life. How should we worship God then? We can be radical for God, but I don't mean you start jumping and screaming each time you hear His name. hahaha. We can honour God through living each day right. In whatever we do, to do it well and in honour of God. Even if we make mistakes, we need to reconcile with God. I struggle with sin too, it's difficult sometimes to admit. But God is good. And my profession will help me find ways to honour God more everyday because everyday I will be helping others! And I can do it for God!

And He has equipped me just right for it. I'm no glam gurl. In fact, I'm chor lor, noisy. He has taught me the importance of nodding my head, looking people in the eyes, being warm, listening though they still need to be improved! I always lamented why God didn't give me abilities, talents, beauty (well sometimes I still do) but it was never expected that abilities would come in the form of nodding my head, listening, looking people in the eyes! I also always lamented that I couldn't do alot of stuff that I really wanted to do and that I hated 9-5 sit-at-the-desk jobs! RAWR! But God is great! This course and soon to be profession will be the opposite. Challenging, with many obstacles, sticky maybe, but God is wonderful. He doesn't give you more or less than what you need. It's just right. Just right.

I pray that God will keep me humble even as I type this post. I hope that I'm truly doing this post in humility so that God will be glorified, and others can benefit. Do not credit me, please. Thank the One above. =)

lots of love,
charms

p.s. I study Occupational Therapy. Don't know what it is? Go check it out! Or ask me. I'll be more than happy to tell you. Let's just hope that my grades don't go down. THEY MUST GO UP ARRRHHH!!!

2007-12-17T22:24:00.000+08:00

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support my friend gabs =)

2007-04-10T17:31:00.000+08:00

hippocrasy
the whole bunch of you
so much for being friends
so much for being leaders
weren't you taught that actions speaks louder than words?
you prove to be nothing of what you should be

you all have made me disillusioned
turned me away from the One
my stumbling blocks
and all you all can ask is how are you??
right.
to say i'm fine is a lie
to say i'm not fine is asking for pity
i want to do neither
so i'll ignore you
or else face my wrath.
don't come near me or i'll scream.
stop being so spiritual
get down to earth
God isn't just there to give you some floaty happy fluffy substanceless experience

maybe psalms could understand my anger
loneliness, frustration
perhaps king david felt the same way i did
i need someone who truly can empathise with me
not sympathise or pity

that is my pride, my arrogance
and one of my many flaws
i'm terribly flawed
is there no end to my mistakes, my blunders, my shortcomings?
do i have nothing that i'm good in?
why should anyone anyway value me?
or want me?
who cares?

don't tell me God cares
because you all don't truly care
you all are just saying things to make yourself feel better

so what's the meaning of life?
don't tell me some rot about the 5 purposes
i've heard that too many times, everything is cliche
i've heard so much that you all say
about some saccharine sweet so-called lesson or understanding of God
shallow
do you understand?
shallow
i've heard enough of cliches
i need something fresh
i know God is beyond these cliches
don't tell me otherwise

so why?
disillusioned

2007-02-28T22:56:00.000+08:00

I'm rather lost and confused now. Demoralised too.. It's hard to pinpoint exactly what's going on inside and that's confusing me..

I'm no longer that confident, cheery girl that I used to be..where has my optimism gone? :(

(no please. those who read my blog, don't comment on this post. I repeat DON'T. It's not what you say, I have to see it for myself. Thank you.)

2007-02-04T23:22:00.000+08:00

I know there will be some of you who will be reading the entry skeptically and believe that I have become a bad egg. Rest assured that I am still a Christian. I'm attending a proper church. Worry not. I don't always have to be jumping up and down and yelling to be one do I?
I've decided that I want to calmly learn about Christ and understand His word. I want to calmly worship Him with all I am as well as full understanding of what I am singing and telling God. Why? Because if He were to come any time, I still want to have my senses. =) Yups. So stop judging please. Remember, it is the everyday living that matters to God. Not how we worship and preach. I'm learning to love Christ and the people around me again. I'm learning to unlearn how I judged people who didn't sing hillsongs or didn't show a hint of going crazy while yelling i love Christ. I want to learn what it is to be a real child of God!

2007-02-04T21:34:00.000+08:00

Today, though I was falling asleep during service, I did catch some important parts of Major Pascoe's message (with the help of some of mum's outline!). They made me do some thinking.

What I learnt today:
1. We do not need to fear because we have a wonderful God!
- He's mighty, and gracious. He's my Saviour, my Teacher, my Lord, my Friend.
2. Praising God
- It is not positive thinking
- It is not psyching ourselves about God
- Praise in our certain hope in Jesus
- Praise in our knowledge of Jesus
- Praise in the blessings He has lavished upon us.
3. Ephesians 1:17
- "I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father may give you the Spririt of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better"
- Wisdom -> not something held in the mind. It is a life of humility, understanding the true nature of things. It is not like the wisdom of the world.
- Revelation -> God's revelation is like a spotlight to take away the darkness and sins of our lives and to help us to walk in the light.
- When we receive wisdom and revelation from God, it is to know Him better. When we begin to live a life of wisdom and revelation, we begin to know the Lord better!
Read from Ephesians 1:3-23 - Knowing Jesus better

My musings for the day:
1. What is faith?

- It means faithfulness to God
- It is loyalty to the Lord, Jesus Christ
- It is sticking with the Lord through thick and thin in all cirumstances
- It also means personal surrender to God.
- Intimacy with God is not about holy handouts. It is characterized by steadfast faithfulness.
2. What is prayer for?
- We pray to encourage each other and to show our sincerity to each other. We pray to let the person know that we will support him/her.
- It does not mean that when we pray, God will answer the prayer. (that would be like superstition - you must do this, then you will get what you want or you mustn't do this, or that will happen to you)
- We are not praying so that we can show power. It will be like commanding God to show Himself. Who are we do that?!
3. The eyes of our heart.(Ephesians 1)
- "Heart" in Hebrew means the seeds of your mind (thoughts). It involves our emotions, our will and our deep mind.
3. Call
- Our call: to a particular destiny He has created for us. Destiny of love.

2007-01-10T22:21:00.000+08:00

sway lah..first time I'm late for school in 10 years. -_- it wasn't my fault!! AHH!

2007-01-07T00:15:00.000+08:00

2007
a new year
a tough year
an emotional year
a nerve-wrecking year
a happy year
a romantic year

anymore to add before 2007 flies away just as 2006 did?

2007-01-07T00:10:00.000+08:00

There!

New layout!

:)

i like it

2006-12-19T15:08:00.000+08:00

hmmm...everyone's growing up..and everyone's changing...hahaha...I just can't imagine all of us who were once young are all growing up..what we were like may not be what we are now..haha..hmmm...

2006-12-19T15:05:00.000+08:00

Its time to change my blog layout! It's already more than a year old!

2006-10-31T12:50:00.000+08:00

well oh me oh my!

this blog hasn't been update for more than 3 months. Sorry about that folks! hahaha..my..looking back at the date of the last entry, that night was a very special night for me..yeahh..i shall remember 7th july 2006 forever..haha..don't ask me why, because only two people will ever know why. :)

So many things have happened during these three months or so..terms and promos have come and gone..soon its gonna be A-levels for chinese and pw. I wonder how many times I've been banging my head on the wall over my studies and pw. My head must be super sore by now.

These 3 months have seemed like years. But i've been generally happy these few months..thankfully..hahaha..my life will never be the same again! ^^

okies gtg now! PW. Again.
No. im NOT happy because of pw!

2006-07-11T19:17:00.000+08:00

I was reading Matthew 7 just the other day. The title of verses 1-6 is "Judging others" and this definitely sparked off my interest immediately.

Why? That's because I have the tendency to judge others. HIGH tendency. and no..it is not something to be proud of..haha

1. "Do not judge, or you too will be judged.
2. For in the same way you judge others. you will be judged and with the same measure you use, it will be measured to you.
3. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?
4. How can you say to your brother,"Let me take the speck out of your own eye"; when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?
5. You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
6. Di not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you into pieces."

Commentary summary:
Do not judge others, but be discerning. Yet this discerning must come with a humble heart.

that's my food for thought. but i still want to understand this verse's application to my life! HAHA

2006-07-11T19:15:00.000+08:00

didn't get the point of my last entry?

I SORELY MISS CRESCENT.

again

I SORELY MISS CRESCENT.

again?!

I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. !!!!!!

=)

2006-07-11T19:12:00.000+08:00

I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT.
I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT.
I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT.
I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT.
I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT.
I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT.
I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT.
I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT.
I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT.
I SORELY MISS CRESCENT. I SORELY MISS CRESCENT.
I SORELY MISS CRESCENT.

WHEN CAN I GO BACK?!!!

2006-07-08T23:37:00.000+08:00

Food-for-thought
LAUGH BUT THINK.

A man fell into a pit and couldn't get himself out.
A social worker came along and said, "I feel for you down there."
A construction supervisor walked by and said, "I told them that someone would fall down there."
A Pharisee said, "Only bad people fall into pits."
A mathematician calculated how deep the pit was.
A news reporter wanted the exclusive story on the pit.
An Income Tax officer asked if the man was paying taxes when he used the pit.
A self-pitying person said, "You haven't seen anything until you’ve seen my pit."
A fire-and-brimstone preacher said, "You deserve your pit."
A psychologist noted, "Your mother and father are to blame for your being in that pit."
A therapist said, "Believe in yourself and you can get out of that pit."
An optimist said, "Things could be worse."
A pessimist claimed, "Things couldn’t be worse."

Jesus, seeing the man, took him by the hand and lifted him out of the pit.

2006-06-23T14:40:00.000+08:00

I'M MOVING ON..NOT GONNA DWELL IN THE PAST ANY LONGER..I'M LOOKING AHEAD..LOOKING AHEAD IN LIFE..NOT TO LOOK BACK. I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT MEMORIES FOR NOW OR I SHALL SERIOUSLY DROWN IN THEM. I'M NOT GONNA LOOK DOWN AT THE GROUND NOR LOOK BACK AT THE OLD..I'M GONNA LOOK FORWARD AND LOOK UP TO JESUS!!! YEAH!

2006-06-21T00:41:00.000+08:00

I've had a really good time at Michelle's house yesterday night. I had a wonderful long long long chat with pearl, cave, wenhua though I didn't get to chat with the other CF members. But it was fun laughing with the other 3! It's always lovely to be able to laugh and hear others laughing..I really thank God that He is a humourous God and I can still laugh and for making me laugh! If not, this world will be a totally dull place if laughter were banned. ^^

I hope that I won't feel left out in CF..I don't know why but I am getting this feeling that I'm going to be super left out..I'm glad that wenhua is part of CF too..otherwise I'll be very very lonely..because none of my jael people are in CF except for one..and now she is part of the com..well..it's good for her and I am glad for her...but I sort of feel that she has forgotten about us..sorry dear if you are reading this..I just want you to know what I am feeling..to be frank with you..though I can't tell you straight...perhaps I find it hard to let go and understand that friends make new friends and have to change..hmm...

Moving onto happier stuff..LAUGHING IS GOOD.

haha..anyway this party is not for nuts..it's actually deepak's farewell party..he's going back to his homeland to continue his studies..i guess everyone's really sad..especially since he's just became a Christian..we know that he probably face persecution back there..but we know that God will protect him and carry him through..anyway! His testimony on how he accepted Jesus Christ is a really really wonderful and lovely one! HOW AMAZING OUR LORD IS! to have turned a scornful heart to one so in love with Him above! Yups! We'll keep you in prayer deepak! You can always look to us even though we are miles away..but always look to God first!! YUPS! haha!!

yeahh..and thx pearl! I really don't know what to do without you..thanks for understanding me and helping me out unconditionally..you know..i really was afraid that you might be angry with me because you always have to take over my duty and I seldom give you proper reasons for it...sorry pearl...but you've always done it willingly and without complaint and always understanding and believing me because you know that I don't know how exactly to explain to you the problem.. LOVES YOU PEARL! yeah..n i can't do without you either..esp in sch lah! hope our timetables will change drastically so that we can meet in school more often! hheee..^^

2006-06-20T11:59:00.000+08:00

iwanttohuddleinadarkcornerandputmyheadbetweenmykneesletmyhaircovermywholefaceandcryoutuntoJesustorescuemeandbringmehome
freemefreemeihatetobeboundihatethisworldidon'twanttolivehereanymorei'mtiredofmyselfihateconflictsandproblems
hidemehidemehidemeshieldmeshieldmeshieldmecarrymecarrymecarrymehelpmetotrustYouandhavefaithinyou
idon'twanttoliveonthisearthalonewithoutYouican'tandwon'tpleaseLordidon'tknowwhattodoandi'mlostonlyYoucanfindmeandguideme
guidemeguidemeguidemepleasemyLorddon'tleavemeherealoneiknowYouwon'tbutsometimesifeellikethat
ihatetobecontrolledihatetohurtothersihatemostofalltohurtYou
iwanttobefreeiwanttobefreeiwanttobefree
pleasesetmefreeandbewithme...

2006-05-20T17:35:00.000+08:00

OH MY GOODNESS!!
I HAVE SO MUCH TO BLOG ABOUT TODAY THAT I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START!

okok. I shall do an agenda for this post just like what JELLYBEANS! does for each each PW session. I am doing the minutes now anyway. lol!

Agenda:
1. PASSION AC
2. KIDSREAD

PASSION AC
Last night was PASSIONAC! So you would have seen me don the bright RED passionac tee that turned up ORANGE on sonia's cam. WAHAHA!

Yesterday wasn't a good day for me. Neither was it for the other CF members. In fact, EVERYONE didn't have a good day. There was this sian and hopeless mood in the school yesterday. I would call it the DEVIL'S DOING. All of the CF members and I were under quite a bit of attack.

I don't know what the other CF members went through but I do know what happened to me. I was actually quite frustrated and slightly injured emotionally. Why?

1. I had only $1 to spare after paying for the passionac t-shirt and I already and still owe brendon $5 and joefai $1. Now I owe grace $2. LOL I WILL PAY BACK.

2. I haven't finished my shou ji and now I owe my chinese teacher 3 of them.

3. I was too sian to do anything, or any schoolwork. Not being able to complete anything will make me even more sian.

4. The above 3 reasons were not the real reasons why I was what I was yesterday. Here is the real reason:

I was frustrated because people were not willing to go for passionac. I was actually quite sad when the night before, max and gabriel were on the verge of saying that they didn't want to come for passionac because they said that they would try their best to make it. To know that my close buddies were refusing the opportunity that I offered them to know our Lord God, Saviour and Redeemer, Friend, lover, Father..etc. JESUS!!! made me very depressed. Which friend would not be? To know the truth but having your friend refusing to accept it..you ought to know the sting. I also was unhappy because I wouldn't get to see them again. I haven't had the time to meet them and I doubt I will and thus I was hoping the two of them would go down to AC so we could meet up and laugh like what we did during the first three months.

Well I knew I couldn't force them. I couldn't make their decision for them. They weren't interested and didn't want to accept it. It was up to them and I couldn't do anything about it. I just that to leave it.

I was also very sad because most of the JAEL people from AC didn't wanna go for passionac. The only ones who went in the end was zhen, ivan, cave and me. That's only half of us. The AC j3s from JAEL couldn't come because they were all in army. Some of those who weren't from AC said that they will go but in the end they didn't. And therefore the other four of us from AC didn't go. I'm not against them going for prayer meeting but I was really hoping that this event would bond them with the christian community that we have been praying for, and that they too will be revived and refreshed. But I guess whenever I told them that I couldn't join them for certain activities and I understand what they felt..

Next up, I was rather irritated with one of my classmates. Unfortunately, but yes, I was frustrated. Yups, because that friend told me that he would come for passionac and he was so definite about it the day before. Then on that day, because he was caught for his hair and was made to cut it by the school barber and the back of his hair was cut straight, he didn't want to go. To tell you the truth, if it weren't for passionac, I wouldn't have really bothered. In fact, I would have been rolling on the floor, and dying of laughter because of his absolute vanity. He said later on that he would go, but after his lessons, he was on the verge of not going. Why? I don't know but I suspect it's because his friends weren't going. I felt a rather betrayed and angry then. I guess I felt that I had put in alot of work on our friendship but he is taking the friendship but not giving it back and always running off with other friends but when he needed my help, he would always look for me. Yups. I really was quite angry, hurt and bitter for a while, just like me when I was younger.

But then, I am so thankful that God took away my hurt and frustration. I knew that I didn't really have to bother. Anyway, he changed his mind and went back for passionac. lol (still I didn't bother =] ) oh wait. if this classmate of mine is reading this post, then good for him. I'm not being sacarstic lah. Now you know why I told you in the sms that you need to learn to work on your friendships yah? And even though I'm not going to bother about what happened yesterday, I am still going to promote you to the post of VAINPOT.

However, all of us kept on praying fervently, with a prayer chain starting from morning until pw time where no one could pray at the bleachers. After that, we prayed in the CF room and continued praying. And our focus was entirely on God. THANK GOD! It wasn't easy, for we really wanted to give up. I'm glad that we persevered. And we prayed both in tongues and english constantly, for passionac, that God would be present and that people's lives will be touched. We asked that this school will soon rise up. God lifted us up!!

For the first time in many months, I danced before the Lord, jumped or hopped around as you might call it, God took away all my burdens and allowed me just be free within His presence. HE HAS MADE ME FREE!

I'm not disappointed with the turnout, although it could be better. At least I know that there are people who does love Jesus just like JAEL and CF!

Shadrag (is that how his name is spelt?) led worship! He's good lah! He's been blessed by the Lord, with charisma. And it's so wonderful that God should make him the CF president.

I really had fun with the CF people. Like the rest, I really didn't want last night to end. But it had to..anyway I know that my friendship with them and most of all JESUS will not end just with passion. IT WILL LAST!

haha!!
I just wanna ask that the CF people that I always hang out with will not forget me or exclude me from whatever they do later on. I suddenly realised that they are all running for the CF com. I am the only one amongst them who won't be in. I just hope that you won't exclude me k? haha..yea..zhen u know the feeling don't you..yups! Anyway, I love you guys and keep on staying strong okay?

CFers!
ZHEN!!! Jess dear, sonia, florrie, tracy aka PRIMROSE, gareth aGAR aGAR, david, marcus and all the rest who made my day! THANKS!

2006-05-16T19:05:00.000+08:00

I realise that on andrew's blog, my blog link is "Princess Charmaine's World"! I'm honoured andrew!! wahaha!! so cute!! st.andrew so cute!!
for that matter
ALL THE SEC ONES IN JAEL ARE SO CUTE!!!!
WAHAHA!!
all the darling sec 1s!!
lol!!!
all from pearl's and fish's and joy's cell! no wonder lah!

2006-05-13T14:40:00.000+08:00

On Eagles Wings (Psalms 91)

You who dwell in the shelter of the Lord
Who abide in His shadow for life,
Say to the Lord: "My refuge,My rock in whom I trust!"

And he will raise you up on eagle's wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His hand.

The snare of the fowler will never capture you,
And famine will bring you no fear
Under His wings your refuge,
His faithfulness your shield.

You need not fear the terror of the night,
Nor the arrow that flies by day
Though thousands fall about you,
Near you it shall not come.

For to His angels He's given a command
To guard you in all of your ways;
Upon their hands they will bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.

2006-05-13T14:12:00.000+08:00

Amazing Love

I'm forgiven because You were forsaken
I'm accepted, You were condemned
I'm alive and well
Your spirit is within me
Because You died and rose again

Amazing love, how can it be
That You my King, would die for me
Amazing love, I know it's true
It's my joy to honor You
In all I do I honor You

You are my King
You are my King
Jesus, You are my King
Jesus, You are my King

2006-05-10T20:25:00.000+08:00

This blog has been deserted for 2 months and 2 days exactly.

Auto Update Checker warning heeded.

IT'S GONNA BE UPDATED!

RIGHT NOW.

YES NOW.

=)

yups..ah..what a relief to blog once again..have been so busy, I haven't even had time to sleep! Not that now I am any freer, it's just that I have decided to just let everything out of my system.

yea..
I'm so thankful for what God has done for me..I'm so thankful that He is there..He's blessed me with a quite a funny class - whose class name wierdly suits some of us as well as our personalities- 1SC5: sc5vers and HIGH S AND HIGH C. (am I understandable? i think i'm nonsensing again) But anyway, He answered my prayers my showing me the christian community in AC which is currently TINY beyond belief as well as the professing-christian-but-it's-just-the-facade environment. But what I am the most thankful for is that He has placed my dearest JAEL brothers and sisters in the same school as me..pearleen, lizhen, joy, ivan, hong ngiap, cavell, jackson. I seriously don't know what would have become of me if they weren't with me.

AC life is hectic but finally it's getting into my system. I realised how many things has happened during this short 2 or so months in AC. How time is slipping through my fingers..

And talking about time being short, I realise that we have less than two years in this school to make an impact for Jesus..and that reminds me that the AC-JAEL people are undergoing alot of strain so much so that we have been distracted and forgotten what we came to AC for..

Remember what we said last year during the youth camp? Didn't we want to be on fire? Rather, weren't we on fire for Jesus? We were so focused then. Didn't we pray for us to make a huge impact for Jesus in our future schools? Didn't we start our new schools knowing that we were where we were only because God had a specific plan for us? Weren't we so determined to be different? Be daring? Be bold for Christ? WHERE IS IT?

What has happened to us? You know what? I think we have all become like the many other christians in the school. SLEEPING. We are, aren't we? Literally maybe. But still SLEEPING. JAEL, WAKE UP! WAKE UP, GOD'S ARMY! SLUMBER NO LONGER! WAKE UP!

Yes, I guess I am feeling the anger that ty felt when he wrote that entry. That's because I am suddenly awake..after what happened yesterday during announcements and today's article in the life! section. There is work to be done! There are souls to be saved! God is waiting for us! Yet we are still sleeping! HOW COULD THIS BE????? WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!

Yes, I am angry with myself too because I myself have committed the same mistake..I know it's gonna be hard and I am already suffering it but let's ask God for help and

WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-03-08T18:08:00.000+08:00

okok..now for my two special friends in jj (after my jael friends) - Max AND Gabriel haha..ya..I'm sore about leaving jj, partly because I can't bear to leave my two best buddies stated above. wahaha..they were from the same og as me and are also another 2 rnd CLUBBERS!!

MAX seah (YILIN.) heys max! Never expected this skinny, cannot-grow-fat stone who refused to dance properly on the 1st admin day would become one my best buddies..Yea..first impression of you would be you are cold and arrogant. However, I've come to realise you aren't. You are actually quite sentimental and thoughtful. And yes. I dare to say you are nice and sweet. WAHAHA!! I like your dry sense of humour..I do hope that I did bring some cheerfulness to your life because you always seem so distant. And also I do hope that you will one day realise that you can never understand God. Remember, God created science..and thus God cannot be proven by science..it might seem to contradict the existance of God now, but that's because the study of science has not been completed..once it is, it will not contradict God's existance anymore. And also, God cannot be comprehended by humans, angels, me or even you! If He and His existance could be understood, He wouldn't be our God would He? The thing about God is that if you are just going to view one small portion of His work, you won't get the whole picture of God's love. Everything that God did and does will build up to give the final picture. It is just like a painting. When the painter first starts to paint, the picture seems to be just sploshes and swipes of colours, and if the painter starts off with dull colours, the painting seems disastrous doesn't it? And people most probably think that he is a bad painter. However, when he begins to put more colours on the piece of work, brightening the colours and finally finishing it, you will see the whole picture! And with the colours will make the whole painting look alive and the sploshes will make the painting even more real. God works in the same way too. (you don't have to be a painter to understand what I have just said. ) Remember the msn chat we had about God's existance? I guess you might have been stumped quite a few times by what I said. And I know it is because what I said was simple and logical. Since I stumped you so many times, the only thing I can say is that it is up to you to believe it. I do hope that you will believe it which is simple and yet requires a deep understanding. Just take the first step of faith to believe, to fully let go of the need to be able to comprehend everything, and trust in Him by asking God to clear your doubts and have no doubts that He will answer your prayer. And I can assure you from my and my friends' experience, God will answer it. And in ways that you can never expect. =) I pray earnestly that you will one day see the grace of God and come back to Him..Anyway, I'm glad you got into SRP!! All the best to you and I pray you will go back to God again. GOD BLESS!! And I miss you!! YAH. RMB ME LAH. just rmb me as the 'BOY' from jj first 3 mths and rnd club who laughs at NOBODY. and later ps u and gabs for acjc...(wait..read on lar. below got msg that I wrote to both you and gabs. haha!!)

Gabriel Lim (GABBIE!!! GABS GAB)
heys gabs! wahahaha!! First impression of gabs? SO SHY LEH. ok. for the real gabs? SHY? YOU SIAO LAH. HE SIAO WAN LOR!!! Anyway. Yes, this siao friend of mine no longer has his arms dislocated because now there is NO ONE to smack you HOR? lol! and his name shall not be written in HOT PINK anymore..unless max does it..anyway..I never expected you to be such a joker and such a fun friend. I also like your sense of humour, though it is sorta opposite of max. Yours is LAME. wahahaha!! Remember the time that you rushed me out of school because you thought that the other's were with me and how I rushed out because I thought the others were with you?? LOL! And your HURRY HURRY RUSH RUSH ONTO THE TRAIN!! I really can't help but laugh non-stop at your lameness..haha..yea. I realise that you are quite optimistic and YA. You make a good encourager though you only talk (hey u said that yourself!!)..wahaha..hmm..I think there's only one thing that you said that troubled me..and that is when you said this, "im doing god a favour..im saving his creation"..I have only one thing to ask you. DO YOU REALLY THINK SO? I can assure you that God is all-powerful and He doesn't need you or even me to save His creation neither does He need our favours. Frankly, we are so tiny (not just physically) that we are as good as insignificant. So do you really think you are doing God a favour? The amazing thing is that, out of all other things in the whole spectrum of creation, God chose to love us. He chose to take notice of us and give us the best. Even though we have sinned and broken His heart over and over again, God chose to make us worthy again by sending Jesus to the cross to die by the hands of those whom He created and then resurrecting Him again. The blood of the pure lamb (Jesus) has washed away our sins so that we can come to Him without doing anything. For we are saved by the grace of God and not by our own works. How do we ever repay what Jesus has done for us? He'ld rather bother more about OUR salvation than the other works of His creation. So even if you did save His creation, what good will it be if you are not saved? And this world will be completely changed when the end comes. I guess this might not mean anything to you now. But I do hope that you will not forget what I have just said. I believe that one day you will probably be so disappointed with this life that you will feel that this life is not worth living anymore. I pray that at that time, you will remember what I have just said and cry out unto God even if you are not a christian. Ask Him to comfort you and He will accept you with open arms. I pray in hope that one day you will come to love Jesus too as a christian. Anyway, yeps..I'll miss you loads and all the best for your life in jj, rnd and CHASING YOUR FUTURE WIFE, JOYCE. LOL LOL LOL!!!!

To both max and gabs..thank you for making my lfe in jj one that I can't forget..both of you mean alot to me..yea..I'll miss you both alot..please don't forget me okay? I know I can't because you both are my best buddies in jj...I hope that if we do meet when we grow up, we will still be able to talk like what we did in jj (it's highly unlikely, but who knows?) even though I've left jj, I hope that you'll keep on laughing and being good friends k? God bless and all the best!

2006-03-02T16:42:00.000+08:00

This is going to be a sentimental post. I would like all who read this post to read the entire thing. I will tell you the reason at the end of this post. thanks..

2 months have come and gone, and we are currently into the 3rd month of 2006. I have spent two months in jj. Though two months isn't a long time, I already have many wonderful memories stored in my heart enough to last more than my lifetime.

I have a hunch that I am posted to acjc for the next two years. I guess I ought to be thankful, considering the number of "I want to get into ac!!" I said before the pae posting. But the two months in jj has made it difficult for me to leave jj.

Perhaps it is because of the leadership roles I can take up there. There seems to be so many chances to be groomed, to be developed, to go for attachments, etc. Unlike being in other jcs, I know that I can secure much in jj.

Perhaps it is because of Rnd club. I so much want to do research and this club is the fulfillment of my dream.

Or perhaps, it is because of the people. And yes. I think it is.. I just love the people of jj, at least the j1s and a few j2s (I don't know many j2s). They are much more simple (I do NOT mean simpleton.), unassuming, friendly, warm and genuine. I seldom find a group of friends like this, not to mention such a big group. I don't have to be someone else or do anything to be accepted by them. It tiring really sometimes when one tries to be friendly elsewhere. It can be really exhausting and mindboggling. But here, it's just friendly! I realised how much I probably will miss jj. I crashed ac on tuesday. I was supposed to be thrilled going to the school of my choice, yet I found myself missing jj. Why? It's because of the people in jj. They are what makes up the school. And yes. This post is specially dedicated to my close friends in jj.

My class comprises 20 girls, 4 boys and a civics tutor, Miss Lim!

Miss Lim
Hi Miss Lim! Thanks for being my civics tutor for the past two months. You've been a wonderfully supportive and encouraging teacher. You always want the best for our class and always help us to reason properly so that we will make the choices best for us..I will truly miss such a lovely and understanding teacher as you..

Huiqi, Kimberly (KIM!!!)
Heys kim! Known you for at least a decade isn't it? Remember us in pei hwa - the times we quarrelled really bad? Sometimes I look back at our childhood days and laugh at our childishness. How things have changed since the last two years of crescent and these two months in jj. I am glad that both of us have matured since and become friends. Thanks for being my dear friend and classmate in jj. I can only describe you as endearing but never spoilt. Thanks for listening to me yakking away about that person (you know lah). Thanks for never holding grudges. Thanks for being my friend all this long while.

Emma
Heys emma! Lol! I find you a very interesting person. Yeps! The first time I saw you I seriously thought you were a caucasian or something. And unfortunately, my first impression of you wasn't exactly flattering. But ever since you were in my class (which I somehow or another predicted that you would be), my perception of you has changed drastically. SO BE GLAD!!! HAHA!! Anyway, you are a supportive friend, who will stand up for what you think is right. I like your enthusiasm and let's-get-it-done-now attitude. Keep it up, gurl! I will miss you quite a bit really..

Esther
Hi esther!! OK. I've got your name right, right? hee..I know I spelt your name as ester..whoops sorry! I have been too much chem in the past year. Well, did you know that your name is the title of my favourite book in the bible? =) Anyway, you are quite adorable, with your high yet soft voice. I like your sense of humour. Your funny remarks always come unexpectedly because you seem to be so quiet. Remember just yesterday how you said, "See lah, try to tell lies!!" when I choked while trying to trick you. hmph. haha..all the best to you!

Yuan Xuan (yuan yuan, xuan xuan)
Heys yuan xuan! I always enjoy talking to you. Though you are a very down-to-earth and matter-of-fact person, you are quite funny! You have a calm personality which I like. I am the exact opposite of you, forever yelping around. wahaha..I sorely miss your presence in the class, now that you don't come to school. Do take care now that you've gone out to work. Don't overstrain yourself and let's keep in touch!

Ashley
Heys ashley! You are the first friend I made in the class! Your first comment? "WAAH. YOU WANT TO MAKE ME BLIND ISSIT?" haha..yea..I know my orange pen is BLINDING!!! You make a good class rep but you seem to fall sick quite easily. Think you must be overstraining your body. Must rest more ok? And heys, thanks for confiding in me. Don't worry..even though we will be in different schools, you can still confide in me anytime you want. I'll listen! =) loves ya!

Xiuling (ouyang!!)
Heys xiuling! You are another endearing friend. You seem to be ever laughing and happy..that's the high "I" personality ehs? HIGH I SYNDROME! one day must introduce you to another of my high-i friends..all the 'i's of the world unite!! haha yea..you are hardworking and smart..work hard and you will do really well. And I love your ever-cheery voice and laughter. It does brighten up the whole class. I also miss u loads..whereever you go, God bless you, dear!

To my other classmates, I did not write about you because I don't know you well enough..I do appreciate all of you, (the gurls!!) because you are really sweet and nice..too bad there's not enough time for me to interact with all you..but all the best to all of you!

Now I will move onto my RND clubbers.
You are one of my close groups of friends in jj even though I have known all of you for only a few weeks. It's been fun attending rnd sessions with you all and I can see how closely-knit many of you are..I mean at least the exco. It's fun being with all of you although you are all boys. OK. I know. We are all boys right? Ah. Someone send them back to nursery to learn their gender differences. ^^ yea..all of you can really make me laugh..alot. I will miss all of you especially alan, yuheng, jestur, yi fan, hao yao and a few others (whoops sorry!! I don't know all of your names!) mainly because all of you are always there lah. And it's always this group whom I meet at the pe porch for the last two weeks. Yea, alan who has all the girls phone numbers (yahh..I thought someone said he didn't call any girls for the first rnd session? why you call me? oh ya. I forgot. I am a boy, HOR? lol.), yuheng and jestur both of you olympiad-ians (lol. how you all both try each other's best subjects for the olympiad and still fare so well. how do u do it???), yi fan, with your one patch of white hair..so stylish lah..+your lameness..then haoyao who has been making rockets since sec 2? always precise one hor..then cut tape to use, only to have it koped by other people. WAHAHA!! All of you really know how to make my day. to those who don't know, they are all j2 rnd exco members..yah..u don't believe it? well they are! LOL!!! message for max and gabs under another section in this post.

Then there's my og..OG 12 of family 3!!!!!!!
I'm sad. og 12 has already split.

Celeste! (celest with an E!)
Heys celeste! Waaah..I am fortunate lah..make friends with the pweety gurl of Og12! Lol! haha..yea..I'm glad I know you! Very sweet and considerate..you are pretty but you don't put on airs..You also never look upon me as wierd because I am enthusiastic..in fact, you are super enthusiatic too! But even in your excitement, you always watch out for me and the others..Thanks gurl! And we were under the same conductress right? It's fun to have something in common..Hope you will do well whereever you go! Loves ya!

Qiu Hui
Yo Qiu Hui! LOL! You are one of the hilarious personalities in Og12! haha..rmb your "bra only wad" and our sunless+raining suntanning at sentosa? I love your lively character and your open nature..and many things that you do and say cracks me up..wahaha! ya...who think who shuai ar??? heh? WAHAHA!! That night was really a REVALTION HEH? I know wad u thinking ar!! HAHA!!Anyway thanks for being who you are..I'll miss you!

Yi Xuan
Heys Yi Xuan! You're a really sweet and friendly person whom I can trust..Thanks for the testtube full of coloured sand gurl! =D And you are fun to be with too! Remember the times we spent during lunch together, eating and laughing over Qiuhui's messages? I really miss those moments we spent together..I wish you all the best..(you are going poly right?) haha..I pray that you will grow to love Christ with all your heart, soul and strength, living for Him! Muacks!

Lay Hoon
Heys lay hoon! You are another likable and simple friend in og12. You are unassuming (though sometimes a little blur..haha..no offence meant! =D) and very friendly..don't really know you as well as I would like but so far, I like to talk to you..it's always nice to have you around...so all the best to you my dear!

Sebastian (sebas!!! seabass??)
Heys sebas! hahaz..lol thx for being such a wonderful friend during the camp..I was really surprised when you thanked me during e-web..haha..I'm glad for such a fun and also just as siao og friend like you..you are rather siao..considering that you are a boy..lol!! At least you are not afraid to embarrass yourself in front of us girls!! haha! you know ar..the first time i saw you, i thought..waah...this guy SO DAO. Wahaha..okok..that has changed ever since..you are really nice lah..rmb how u tried to help me find and pull out my extra-heavy bag from the whole mountain of stuff? THX!! It was really sweet of you..and haha..sorry ar..make you help to lead cheer until you lost your voice too..too bad now we seldom meet or talk. I do miss the laughter and the jokes and your lameness..but anyway..take care and God bless..don't forget the brain story.. =)

OGL Clarence
Heys clarence! don't know you that well but thanks for being our ogl! haha..I believe you are a very fun person..too bad you were games attached..but anyway... at least you did attend all the og outings and allowed og 12 boys to pull down your shorts eh? lol...wierd though now you don't seem to wanna say hi to me leh! hahz..hope I didn't do anything to offend you ar? haha..all the best in all that you do..p.s. if u add another k to your email addy...it is the email of another person..i accidentally added that person..and he comes from america. I don't know how true though..lol!

OGL Melissa (mel!)
Heys melissa! You're the ogl who called me rmb? haha..yeah..the loudest, most enthusiastic and best ogl!! haha..I love to watch you play haidai or niunai..your reactions are hilarious! And you are always full of fun and surprises..even though sometimes we don't work together as an og and you've lost your voice trying to gel us as a team..you always encourage us! Lol..I'll miss you..you are really like a da jie to me...loves ya! All the best for 'A's!

OGL Hansheng
Heys hansheng! You are a really sweet and friendly ogl even though you seem very quiet..thanks for being my dance partner! haha..I'm glad to know that you are a christian and a intercessor..at least I know one more christian friend!! Heys..you can always look to og 12 if you need friends k? hahaz..ya..coz I read your blog..I guess it can be tough isn't it? But then, just a gentle food-for-thought...have you ever thought that perhaps God is using this period to tell you to look to Him even more? =) God bless!

OGL May (may may ah..ah may!!!!)
Heys may!! Waah...you are like the 'mother' of og 12! no lah..it's not an offence..we really needed someone like you...haha..you are really very caring..always worried about our welfare and safety...rmb how you nearly missed your lunch just to get forks for 3 people? hahaz..thx may! I guess that's why we always target you lah..WAHAHA!! lol..you are very cute also..very emotional..hmmm...all the best to you in your studies..and DATING WHO AR?? LOL! =D

to my other og friends
heys..sorry people! sorry that I can't write individual messages to all of you..so I thought I would write them only the closest..but it doesn't mean that all of you aren't special to me.. all of you are! Because you were the ones who made my life in jj memorable..without having you in og 12, I might not have even come to love jj in the first place...so thanks pple!! muacks!

2006-02-22T19:01:00.000+08:00

I'll take you back

The reason why I stand
The answer lies in You
You hung to make me strong
Though my praise was few
When I fall I bring Your name down
But I have found in You
A heart that bleeds forgiveness replacing all these thoughts of painful memories
But I know that Your response will always be

I'll take you back always
Even when Your fight is over now
I'll take you back always
Even when the pain is coming through
I'll take you back

You satisfy this cry
Of what I'm looking for
And I'll take all I can
And lay it down before
The throne of endless grace now that radiates what's true
I'm in the only place that erases all these faults
That have over taken me
But I know that your response will always be

I'll take you back always
Even when your fight is over now
I'll take you back always
Even when the pain is coming through
I'll take you back

I can only speak with a grateful heart
As I'm pierced by this gift of your love
I will always bring an offering
I can never thank You enough

You take me back always
Even when my fight is over now
You take me back always
Even when my pain is coming through
You take me back.

Yes, God will take me back. Thank You Lord for taking me back. I was that prodigal child yet You have received me with open arms. Even when I didn't care about You, You were there to comfort me. Even when I never knew what You were doing for me, You never gave up on me. Even when I broke Your heart by sinning, You never left me. Now that I want to come back, I know I am unworthy of what You have done for me and can't stand before You. Yet, You have welcomed me with all Your love and grace. I can't tell You how grateful I am. I can only say, thank You and I love You Lord..
-char-

2006-02-09T17:49:00.000+08:00

Strength

For the past week, I have been dreadfully tired, really exhausted. I know that it is causing me to drift away from God. It' s terrible feeling. It is. There were many times this week I wanted to just give up - studying, going to school, trying to share God's Word and even living like a Christian. My physical tiredness is taking its toll on my walk with God and I am dangerously far away from Him. Somewhere along the line, I know I have lost my focus on Jesus and I am thoroughly frustrated with myself.

It is my fault actually. I have been sleeping late since the middle of last week - anything later than 11 pm and the next day, I can't stay awake..and yes lah..I guess I need to take jon's advice and sleep early..wahaha..but back to the point..when I sleep too late, I take much time to read the bible and digest it. I speed through it, wanting to sleep asap..I have nothing to meditate on..Prayer has also become a very slipshod thing this week..I haven't been concentrating on God enough..

Yet as I read the booklet Daily strength..it reminds me of God's promise to us..Matthew 11:28. "Come unto Me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."

Lord, thank You for that promise. Lord, thank You for reminding me of it. Lord, I am so tired that I haven't been spending time with You enough. I am really really sorry..please forgive me for letting fatigue take over Your place in my heart. Lord, I pray that You will grant me strength. Sustain me Lord, and let me come back to You Lord. It's miserable without You. Lord, I don't know how Your strength will come but Lord, I know that You will give me what I ask for because You said that if I ask, I will receive, not something evil but the best of what You can give to me. Jesus, my friends are also exhausted. I pray that You will sustain them too. Holy Spirit, please, move in us, give us the joy that the world can never take away. Lord, please, help us.
-char-

2006-02-04T01:13:00.000+08:00

Lord, I was numb but now I am so frightened. How long has it been since I last felt like this? Why do I feel as though I have been threatened with death again? Does this always have to happen? I'm going 17 soon but why am I still so afraid - afraid of them? I want to run into Your arms for comfort yet I have to wait for me to be alone. I need u to embrace me in Your strong arms and comfort me. Lord, I need You. Take away my fear. Don't let the devil frighten me out of my walk with You. Keep me on that narrow path with You in spite of it's persecutions. Be with me, Lord. Lord, Lord, help me..

2006-02-02T16:57:00.000+08:00

Have you ever liked or loved a person a lot? Won't you do everything for the person? Won't you go all out to care for and help the person, to be there in times of joy and laughter, need and pain? Won't you try your best to be near the person? Won't you want to give everything up for the person. Yet what if he or she were a blockhead? One who never knew that you loved him or her, never returned the love that you gave.

You'll feel hurt and angry inside won't you?

Now. Imagine what God feels.

God created us to love us. He didn't need us but He wanted to love us. He created everything in the heavens and earth He gave us food and water so that we might be satiated. Animals to play with. Nature to enjoy. He gave us all that we needed to be happy.

Yet, we sinned. Adam and Eve sinned against God by eating the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. And we as their desccendents are all born sinners. How many times have we broken God's heart by sinning? By telling lies, by murdering, by swearing, by defiling His name, by lusting, by committing adulutery, by murdering, by dishonouring our parents and of course, by worshipping other gods? We are those blockheads.

But God still loved us blockheads. He was not willing that any should perish in hell. He didn't want us to burn in a Godless eternity in the lake of fire. Instead, He wanted us in heaven to be with Him - to enjoy the riches and beauty of heaven and to be in a place full of love and gladness. Out of utter love for us, He sent His one and only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross to shed the pure blood needed to wash away our sins. Cruel it might sound but it was because we disobeyed God that God had to sacrifice His Son. And it was humans who persecuted His beloved Son and killed Him. So whose fault is it? God raised Jesus up on the third day after His death and now we have the Holy Spirit and the gifts of God's mercy and kindness.

After what God's done, are you still going to reject His everlasting love? Are you going to reject His mercy, His forgiveness, His gifts of life and joy? Are you going to reject an eternity in heaven where no tears of pain and sorrow will be shed? Are you still going to continue to be a blockhead?

char

2006-01-23T17:03:00.000+08:00

I have been reading my friends' blogs and msn nicks and I have realised that many of us are going through many problems and difficulties in our daily lives. The most interesting thing about this is that we are all going through it at about the same time and these problems are causing many of us to be very spirituallly down.

I know that many of my friends are going through much frustration, anger and sorrow because I am going through it too. I just want to say this: don't be discouraged. Don't let these difficulties hinder our relationship with God. These problems are attacks of the devil in an attempt to distract us from Jesus. The devil knows that after the camp, we have all been on the spiritual high. Jael has also started the year 2006 with the determination to spread the fire of Jesus and we are taking baby steps to becoming the army God wants us to be. Thus the devil is trying to destroy this determination by throwing difficulties in our paths. He wants to destroy the army, God's Army in Jael.

Since this is so, let's take the other approach to these problems. Let's take these difficulties as tests from God as well as opportunities to grow even stronger and immune to the devil's opposition. It is going to be tough but then when you think about it, the army to be formed is going to be even stronger than when we form an army which has faced no problems at all. Rather we face the problems, sort them all out, and gain experience when the army is still young than face similar problems in future when the army is growing rapidly. If it were the latter, we will be overwhelmed. By then, it'll be more difficult to handle even though it can be handled with God's help.

Don't fall away from God! As we face our problems, keep on returning to God and cast our burdens upon Him. God will be there with open arms to receive you even if you are the most ashamed and distressed. Even though we might not feel like praying at that moment, just pray. That feeling is only something that the devil uses to bring us away from God. Ask God constantly for strength and endurance to go on, for courage to stand up for the truth, patience to deal with others kindly, joy to take all the problems with (what we call in JJ) positive attitudes, love to love those who persecute us, and PASSION to love Him much more than before!

Lastly, don't be afraid to confide in your friends or family. God has placed them around you not for nothing. He has placed them beside you to grant you listening ears. Similarly, He has placed you around them to grant them listening ears. I thank Jesus for Pearl and Fish because they have been the ones who have encouraged me when I am down. I would have fallen into the same trap of faling away from God if it were not for pearl and fish. Thx pearl! Thx fish! =D And THANK YOU JESUS!

Allow me to be your listening ear too, if you need one. We need each other and must support each other to keep this army alive.

lots of loves
char

2006-01-09T22:34:00.000+08:00

HONG NGIAP!!!! U BIG CUCKOO HEAD!
U TRICKED ME INTO CALLING CIVIL DEFENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HOW DID YOU DO THAT?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

2006-01-03T21:55:00.000+08:00

First day of school! In a new school!

It is really one day in Jjc! This is the one observation I have made today: the Jjcians are very united and enthusiastic. They practically cheered whole day, and of course the J1s had to join in. Their cheers are VERY strange but VERY funny. There are so many cheers and all are so foreign to me! There are probably about 50 OGLs but they are loud enough to drown all the J1s cheers, especially my OGL, melissa! Her voice stands out partly because it becomes really shrill and squeaky when screaming (and really clear!) Go melissa! When the OGLs cheer, there is never a single one who won't stop whatever they are doing and start bellowing.

I'm in family 3 and group 12. People there are quiet CAN? They don't talk much unless there is something to talk about. They can't talk non-stop. My first friend? Hui Hui. How we became friends is quite lame. Here it goes. She exclaimed that the parade square in Jjc is like the one in her primary school. So I asked which primary school she was from. She said that it was very ulu one so I won't know. I said nevermind, just tell me, maybe I know. So she said Zhang De. Then I said, Oh I know that school, do you know yinghui. She said yes and do you know shuang ying.

Yes I know if I ever hand this in paragraph, my english teacher will just chop off my head. Oh well, that was how we became friends! =D

Besides cheering, we played some games and DANCED. I think the dance is nice. Too bad I have a stone for a partner. Girls are supposed to dance with boys. Naturally the boys and girls won't want to partner each other. That's fine. But how about having the boys running away from you? Or being partnered with a boy who stands there and refuses to dance and keeps on complaining that he will fall. YAH. I know I'm not that pretty but I'm not that bad can? I don't bite. I don't have the words on me that says: BOYS RUN FOR YOUR LIVES. Or am I really that unlikable? all boys pls tell me. Irritating. Hope I change partner.

2006-01-02T00:34:00.000+08:00

It was a thoroughly difficult week last week. I won't describe it in detail but I can assure you that I have become so spiritually dry and so miserable many a time.

Travelling was one of the factors that triggered this. I guess this is the low after the high that I was in after Jael camp. I actually brought along my big and heavy study bible, believing that I would spend time studying the bible slowly. It turned out to be the exact opposite. I couldn't even bring myself to open my bible! I don't know why but I really started to drift away from God. The only thing the bible did for me was to add weight to my backpack and that, was entirely my fault.

Yet this trip has set me thinking and made me aware that if on a trip like this - one that was supposed to be for relaxing but became a stressful and worrisome one, what would happen if I tried going on a mission trip to a perhaps even more run-down place? Will I drift further from God? I realised that I wasn't close enough to God. Even trivial things like dirtiness of the accommodation created a barrier between Jesus and me. This means I have so much more to do for my relationship with Jesus.

This period of time also helped me to find the love of a few of the friends I am closest to. I realised that I started to confide in 3 people the most - pearl, fish and lizhen. Perhaps for the first time did they ever hear from a stressed and totally lost charmaine. I guess I never dared to reveal this side of me before because I was afraid that when I did, people would leave me or dislike me. But Thank God, I mean seriously, I opened out to them. And for the first time ever did I find friends who actually listened, not just with ears but with understanding. Their responses are so different from those that I received over the years. Many a times, when I am sad, people try to encourage me but from just from that alone, I know that they had not been listening at all. They weren't interested, they just thought by saying anything encouraging, they thought they were being good and supportive friends. But NO. I found out what real good and supportive friends are like. Pearl, Fish and Lizhen listened and understood. They didn't fun away from me or give me the feeling that they treated me with contempt. They earnestly encouraged me. Thanks pearl, fish and lizhen! I really love u all..

And I love Jesus even more. Although I am still very spiritually dry, God has not left me because I have neglected Him. Instead, He has provided friends to love and care for me. I am definitely not on the spiritually high that I was in during the camp but I know that I want to love the Lord even more. And if I don't, life would be truly meaningless for me.

2005-12-25T01:49:00.000+08:00

Today I met my former baby-sitter and her husband at Bukit Timah Plaza. It' s was wonderful to spend time with them again, especially since they have recently become christians. Later I met younger of their sons - kevin. WAAH! The last time I saw him, he was still dragging his old pillow and (sometimes full of mucus hahaz...)!! Now he's so big larh!! I couldn't even recognise him at first because he is so tan! And was he the sticky little boy who used to carry his bolster and always helped me to find my things? I have yet to meet Jeremy (RV pple probably will know him). I heard he is VERY TALL. But seriously, are these the childhood playmates I used to have? I knew them since I was in K1. Suddenly, I realise that we have all grown up!! And suddenly, I miss the times when I was small. And that reminds me, time flies. And that brings back memories. And that makes me rather sentimental. AAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

But then, it is wonderful to know that they the whole family is now christians. 4 more souls for Christ!

And now I am convinced. People do grow up.

2005-12-20T17:26:00.000+08:00

Well, now for the more serious side of the camp - our services!! hmm..actually they aren't really that sombre. I really like the donkey joke!! Hee Haw!! But anyway, there were 4 messages and services and altar calls in all about a JESUS REVOLUTION!

Nah, we aren't gonna be troublemakers now lah..we just wanna be the christian JAE-I willing to to die for the Jesus!

The first message was about what is a JESUS REVOLUTION and how to have one in your life, in 'translation' to accept Jesus Christ with all your heart, as your personal Lord and Saviour! Once you do that, you can be sure that your life will NEVER be the same again! He's gonna turn it 360 degrees upside-down!

The second message was about the Holy Spirit. Before Jesus' ascension to heaven, the 12 disciples were saddened that Jesus had to leave. But Jesus told them that He was leaving so that He could send the Holy Spirit. The wonderful thing about the Holy Spirit is this: Jesus came to this earth as a human and can only be at one place at one time. The Holy Spirit on the other hand, is a spirit! The Holy Spirit will dwell in every human heart willing to receive Him!!! Wait, not only that. Once a person is filled with the Holy Spirit, the Holy Spirit is in Him, and around him! And it's forever! The Holy Spirit will never leave us!! Hallelujah!I felt that the second message had already started to thaw the hearts of many in JAEL. Unlike the first altar call, people were responding. Half of them were crying, kneeling or speaking in tongues, even the primary 6s were responding! During this altar call, I was one of those who went around with the tissues and ready to catch any person who would fall.

But the third service will be one I'll never forget! This time, it was Pearl and me leading worship, (pearl was the worship leader, I was co- leader.) This was Pearl's first time leading worship in a service, and although I have sung in S.T.O.R.M. before, I was still a little unsure because normally Joy and Ivan will take lead of the songs. Long before the camp, Pearl and I were trying to find appropriate songs for the service. It was hard because we had absolutely no idea what Ps. Ken Teo would preach about. We only knew the general theme - Jesus Revolution. We prayed for 3 days about it. On the first day, Pearl received insight from God that the theme was faith in Him and His Love. We weren't really sure but we just agreed to continue praying. I prayed on and read my bible. At that time, I was starting on the Book of Matthew again. Amazingly, the first story that I started to read was the story of the JESUS FEEDING THE FIVE THOUSAND! I had not understood why the previous night, I had stopped just before that part but I know I just suddenly felt exceptionally groggy so I laid my bible down. Now here I was reading it and it was talking about FAITH! Not only was that the only answer to my prayer for a reassurance, the next few accounts after the feeding of the five thousand were all about FAITH!!!! Now we really knew what our theme was. One more thing was that the feeding of the five thousand seemed to stand out quite strongly among the rest of the accounts and parables.During this whole period, S.T.O.R.M's constant prayer was to be able to lead the whole of JAEL into God's presence, even more than before, building all of us into a strong army for God, reaching families, friends, community, society, country, region and even the WORLD! It's sounds a little too ambitious but with God, nothing is impossible! In fact, Pearl and I were praying fervently and continuously that we would be able to help the congregation, every single person, to go even nearer into God's presence. We even met 1/2 an hour before practice and service to ask God for help and guidance.

During this time, we confronted our fears and committed everything to God, asking that our friends not look to us but to Him and Him alone.

So service came, and we lead the worship. Songs? 1. I could sing of Your love forever 2. Sing (Your love) 3. To the ends of the earth 4. Free.Then as usual, Ps Ken came up to speak. But this message was one full of conviction. It talked about how many people are actually very insecure and over-sensitive because they have been hurt many a times. Because of this, these people go around and take many things to heart very easily - even the slightest things. They are very angry and hurt people yet sometimes, they are so used to it that they begin to 'enjoy' it. They don't want to let go. In the end, they hurt others, break up relationships with others and become really miserable. The message was full of jokes, but I couldn't bring myself to laugh at them at all! I felt so convicted because that was one of the main problems in my life and it was pin-pointed so accurately.

In fact, I was so convicted that when the message was over and Pearl and I were supposed to go up and lead the song for altar call, I couldn't sing properly. When Ps Ken asked those who wanted to commit this problem to God to kneel, the whole JAEL sank to their knees at the same time! Pearl knew I couldn't sing out loud now and told me to join the congregation too. Thanks pearl! All I know is that I was very thankful and stumbled next to Chara. My knees just touched the floor and immediately, torrents of tears came pouring out. I cried ever so hard - almost 17 years worth of tears. I cried unto God and He heard me. His Holy Spirit began to work in me and I began to tremble again and really hard this time. Ps Andrew, Pearl and Ivan laid hands and prayed for me. When they prayed, I felt my body going limp and I cried even harder. Actually, as I cried, it seemed as though all the past painful memories and torments were pouring out of my soul. Finally, later, someone, I think it was Pearl, came to me and told me this, "God hears you" Those three words were one of the most beautiful words I had ever heard because He does! Almost immediately, I just toppled to my side and just lay there, still crying but now out of gratitude to God. When I got up later, I felt so light in the head that I nearly lost my balance. I was still shaking. I counted later, I used 4 sheets of tissue. Whoever gave me tissue, thank you!!! Tell me who you are...kaes?Anyway, it took me about an hour before I felt less shaky. But I knew God has already taken away my burden.

The fourth service was about reaching the world and bringing along a Jesus Revolution! The last message for the camp. =( During this altar call, Ps ken prayed for the JAEL committee members. Indeed we must pray for them, and ask God to grant them wisdom on how to lead JAEL youth.

Later on, several of us gathered to play and talk for the last night. We were talked about the last service. Jon and Zhou were with us - the rest of the committee members were probably FAST ASLEEP. We asked them what Ps Ken prayed for the both of them. I think they couldn't remember. But what they did remember was this! Zhou had a vision of the FIVE LOAVES AND TWO FISH. God told him he would be the 5 loaves and 2 fish.. Jon also had the same vision of the FIVE LOAVES AND TWO FISH!!! AND THE FIVE THOUSAND!! Suddenly Pearl said that I had a similar experience! She reminded me that before the camp I had read and brought up this same incident from the BIBLE!!! No wonder the feeding of the five thousand (not even the four thousand) had extra significance to me at that time!

GOD IS REALLY AMAZING!

You know what? I think the Feeding of the Five Thousand with the Five Loaves and Two Fish spells hope for JAEL. To me, I believe that God has heard our prayers for JAEL to grow. He knows that our prayers are earnest and He is providing us the reassurance that He will not let JAEL die out. In fact, He will use us to draw the hungry Five Thousand (symbolical) and Feed them with the Five Loaves and Two Fish!! This is really the reassurance that we need as we have been told that youth service might be cancelled permanently next year, we would only have cell group meetings. We know that without the JAEL coming together for one, it would become weak and S.T.O.R.M. would have to disperse. Yet this reassurance tells us that God will not just leave it at that! He's gonna create a JESUS REVOLUTION!!!!

p.s. Anyone who recently had an encounter concerning the Feeding of the Five Thousand, please tell me asap!!!

2005-12-18T19:42:00.000+08:00

I came back from Jael Youth Camp yesterday. The whole camp seems very very cavell-lish and dota-like so duh..the obvious person who idea formed the whole camp was cavell lah. RIGHT, CAVELL????? hahaz..nevertheless I miss the camp and my youth already. sigh..let's have a second youth camp..PRETTY PLEASE!!!!

hahaz...the games were very fun although they sometimes made us very wet. Like the game of freeze. Fantastic lah, my group jia lat lah. Do 6 times still cannot win. HAHA!! But how not to laugh, tell me? There was one time where my whole group was frozen bending down. I thought I wouldn't be able to see anyone's face and start laughing. Who knew that Ivan must purposely go bend down and go stare at me? Haiyo, once I saw Ivan's face, I started to burst with laughter. Waah, then he started teasing me, about what got something nice to look at on the floor. WHATEVER! The war game was just as funny. This time the losers were at the committee's mercy. I was a loser 3 times. BAD. Especially when Ivan told me to sing One Way in another tune. HOW TO DO THAT??? Then ar..Ps Andrew poured water on me. I was WET. So was everyone else except for some like Charis Choo and Abel. hmphh..got my revenge on abel later...HAHA!!!

What about quests? Pamper the emperor for 24 hours and get whatever money and items we need. Sounds easy? Wait till I tell you this. The emperor's an egg. We played rough games. Truly, how did Chen Shan keep it safe for 24 hours?? Anyway, thx Chen Shan! Oh yes. Since Abel wasn't wet during the war games so I made him wet during Kanna Sai! My clan was allowed to help the committe to wet the Celtics during Kanna Sai. At first, I started to pour water on Fish but then I decided to spare her. So I poured the water on abel. I poured 3 bottles of pink paint diluted in water down his shirt. HAHA. Who asked him not to get wet earlier? Haiya..Meebe should also have wet eileen. =D

Well we played captain's ball. It was fun and much rougher than when I play captain's ball with crescentians. Of course messy too. Imagine playing captain's ball with tomatoes! Seriously, whose idea was that?

2005-12-12T22:03:00.000+08:00

I had S.T.O.R.M. practice today!I love S.T.O.R.M. and I love Jesus better because without Jesus, where would we find songs to sing to Him???? I think this practice was much better than the previous one because everyone was much more prepared. But anyway, my point of this entry is to talk about our short prayer session before we left audi 2. I think there were about 7 of us and each of us prayed a prayer for the camp and the services. During this time that we prayed, we started speaking quietly speaking in tongues and praying aloud in english. By the time it reached the third or fourth person, I realised that I was actually shaking! Not uncontrollably but still it was quite strong. It wasn't because I was cold or anything - the aircon was already off. When I got up, I was still shaking. I really praise the Lord because this is a sign of the manifestation of the Holy Spirit! I mean, I just knew it was. It was really wonderful. All this while, I have been asking the Lord for an assurance that I have been baptised by the Holy Spirit (which occurred in Feb this year) and He answered it! I know that I have the Holy Spirit in me and He will never leave me! I am so glad! In fact, now I realise that one doesn't always have to be high or whatever to start to speak in tongues or even feel the Holy Spirit. It just needs earnestness and concentration on the Lord. God sees your heart. HALLELUJAH!

2005-12-11T22:20:00.000+08:00

If I ever go Orissa (india) for next year's mission trip, I think I will probably cry my heart out everyday. Ahem. No, it would not be due to homesickness. Rather, it'll probably be because of the poverty in the world. Once again, no. I am not going to wish for "World Peace" like Miss Congeniality. It's just really heart-wrenching to know how the poor really struggle to survive.

My dad just returned from his business trip in Bombay with much things to say - including how the camera battery went flat when he reached the most interesting place a city tour.. HAI YO! CHARGE THE BATTERY LAH!!! =D

This was one of the incidents he told us about. He was at this place called the Gateway of India. There were alot of poor people standing around watching him and his colleagues as they went admiring the stone wall (is it?). Of course a few tried to ask for money, but common sense says don't give anything because give something of value to one person, the rest will swarm around you just like bees swarm around the honey comb. When he was leaving the place, he suddenly realised he was being tailed by a little child, one who has probably just learnt to totter. Chased he called it, my dad tried to move away from this child but the child wouldn't give up! Then, my dad realised what the child was after - his 2/3 filled mineral water bottle! My dad felt that it was quite stupid to hold back a bottle of water so he gave it to the little child. Once the little child got it, he or she (he doesn't remember), immediately zoomed back happily to his or her mother to present the bottle.

When I heard this, I heart really broke for this little child. I mean, a child in India can be actually so please when only receiving a water bottle which has been drunk from while anyone of us might be throwing away a bottle of water, thinking that we can afford another bottle. Needless to say, if I hadn't been in public, I would have cried.

Imagine what I would do if I go to Orissa. (If I am allowed to, but argh..I'm not)

Come to think of it, I shall relate another sad story, from my previous lit teacher. During one of her visits to another country where poverty is rampant, she noticed that there were many young children, some of them actually lame or have some physical disabilties all begging for money. As much as she was so sorely tempted to give them something, she knew she could not. Why? Many of these children, she was told, were actually working for the syndicates. What happened was that these children were forced to beg money from tourists. Whatever money they collected was not for themselves to keep. Instead, this money is taken away by the syndicates and the children are given only a meagre portion of money. They practically receive peanuts! Sometimes, in order to gain the tourists' sympathy and even more money, the syndicates will maim them on purpose. The pain the little ones go through! And WAIT. These syndicates are RICH.

So you tell me, how can I not shed tears?
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2005-12-09T12:07:00.000+08:00

WARM UPS!!
Finally! I did warmups! YAY! How many months has it been since I last warmed up? Or ran and sang properly for that matter. My slackness sure has taken its toil on me! I did my stretching this morning and found myself painful all over and toppling over too. I didn't even sweat and that isn't good - it means I am not breathing properly! So I did some skipping. Haiyo..really ah!! Cannot slack already ar..now I can't even pitch my high notes right!!! Must practice everyday!!

2005-12-08T16:01:00.000+08:00

Oh no! Lynette has gotten me started on neopets. Now I am playing it again. hA. Long time since I have played it ar. Quite fun now but I think after a while I am gonna just neglect my poor pet..AWWW SO SAD.
NO NO NO NO NO. I dun wanna get stuck on this game!

2005-12-04T21:24:00.000+08:00

I think it's appreciation time! =)
I'll start with my school friends.

3g3/04 \4g3/05
My class. I have come to love your antics. Well, it used to drive me up the wall but come to think of it, they always make me laugh. Think about how last minute we always are and interestingly how we can produce results that are beyond expectations. (I hope it is the same for all our O level subjects) Include Liting hilarious giggling and Sham's infectious HAA..HAHA!ing and all the teasing our teachers receive. It makes our class the class. Never can I forget a class like 4g3. NEVER.

Special note to Lynette, Natania and Dawn: Heys! Thx for being my sisters-in-Christ! I am really grateful that I have found you three. You know, you three were an answer to my prayer to find the Christian community in school. Now that I have found you, I am really reluctant to let go but I guess the time has come for us to separate so tada! Keep on loving God!

Crescent Choir (sop 1s)
Heys darlings. [Other people, don't laugh. That's really what I call them.] I miss all of you. Remember the good times we had together? Ever-laughing and joking. But I do hope that during my term all of you did learn something besides laughing more during choir. You are sweet girls, each one of you. You really did add alot of colour to my life in Sec 3 and 4. Yet sometimes, all of you really exasperated me. I think all of you truly need to work much much harder. Push yourself when singing, don't depend on others. And make sure that you put in your best shot everytime you sing a song, be it for fun or not. You need your soul and body to sing. You all should understand this right? (if not ar..I will come back and barbeque you!) Don't make Miss Tham, Mr Tay and your SLs angry hor. Then I will really come after you.

Miss Tham and Mr Tay and my choir teachers
To my 2 conductors, I have learnt so much about singing in these 2 years with you and I am really grateful for it. I have come to enjoy the practices so much that I don't want to leave crescent choir! =D But I have to. Aha! But that's not the last of me! I'm gonna go back for some practices too!!!! p.s. I would really love to join SYC. if I am can meet the standard enough. haha..CAN MISS THAM??

My school teachers Thank you for all you have done for me! All of you are always the most supportive and dedicated in teaching me. Although sometimes I do not fair well in class, you all willing to give me the stuff I need to get me the grades. I seriously hope that I do get the grades in Os!

2005-11-30T20:00:00.000+08:00

Looking for a good place to hang out..I can recommend you one. (That's if you never need to go toilet or eat for a whole day).

The the place is.............Singapore Science Centre! hahaz...okays..I know...you are gonna call me a nerd, aren't you? Then read this. There are even loads of youngsters who go there (they dye their hair and dress a bit too much like ah beng...hahaz..sorrie to those who are reading out there..no offence meant.). It isn't where mad scientist reside. Oh no. The place itself is mad. It's full of mad science and stuff. For people who love to push buttons, you will love this place. Everywhere you go, it's buttons! I really like that place..well if I could work there..it'll be a dream come true.

The only woes I have about it is this - it's toilets and cafeterias need alot (X infinity) of improvement. The toilets are rather dirty and smelly. My mum complained that there was toilet tissue but it was impossible to pull it out. Water trickles from the tap for only a few seconds. Really the mark of an horrendous toilet. Read my previous entry for the makings of a clean toilet.

The cafeteria is eh..expensive? It is! Ya..One stick of 3 sotong balls - $1.50. Nasi Lemak (with only some chilli covered ikan bilis and a small ikan kuning) $2.00. They sure know how to squeeze the money out of visitors. The food is not fantastic.

SCIENCE CENTRE! PLEASE IMPROVE YOUR TOILETS AND CAFES!!!

2005-11-30T15:55:00.000+08:00

Watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire just now. It was a night show at Suntec City Eng Wah Cinema. Not bad. The movie was pretty clear, I mean the images. It the Something-Digital-Screening of the movie. Watched it with my cousins, aunt and uncle. (I got my ticket free! Thx Xiao Gu!!)

Unfortunately, the movie wasn't fantastic. If one hadn't read the book, one wouldn't understand the whole movie. Many parts of the book was cut out - eg. the playing of the Quidditch Tournament. But anyway, I didn't really watch it for the story. I just wanted to watch the cast's acting. Well, they were good lah (DUH!!).

I like most of the actors and actresses. The boys acting as Harry and Cedric are rather good-looking, I must say. Too bad for them, I won't go mooning over them. hA. The Weasley twins were hilarious and so was Ron (not bad-looking either).

And YA. Ivan Ngo. U are right. Emma Watson does look gorgeous here. She's grown up to be one nice-looking one. But all the same, I won't go mooning over her. PULEESSE! Wait! Katie Leung is equally pretty (just much gentler, probably).

It'll be nice to meet them in person. I seriously wonder what they are out of the reel world and into the real world.

Whatever it is, I have watched the movie and forgotten most of it. hahaz..I couldn't care less. They are far far away in Hollywood in eh..America? Unless I become a Hollywood actress or cleaner. HAHA!

2005-11-30T06:43:00.000+08:00

Housework and housework.
No. I have not become a housewife...please. haha..I'm helping my mum with it. It's quite satisfying though it involves lots of energy and strength. It's always nice to be in a clean house - floors are squeaky clean (literally. If the marble floor is not clean, it is impossible to make any squeaks with your feet when you walk on it. + grimy marble floors are GROSS). Toilets don't smell and are not sticky (yew!!). All dust is gone!! hahaz..My house is spick and span! Well, almost.

It seems that there is hole in the toilet wall of the toilet next to my bedroom. This is BAD. Water has been seeping into it, making the parquet tiles in my room wet. Now they are turning black and so is my wooden bookshelve. AAA!!! Gonna get them fixed soon.

2005-11-28T16:31:00.000+08:00

hm..I am getting really lazy. It's so difficult to bring myself to blog nowadays.I better do it more often. (practise my english).

This morning, my mum, brother and I played ludo.It definitely is one unmerciful game! (on my brother's part) He kept on kicking my mum's and my pawns out! Haiya!! Meanie-pok. Anyway, it was a good dose medicine for my mum's giddiness. Some laughter helped to take the giddiness away, I think.

Youth camp's in about 2 wks time. Pearl and I are preparing the songs. Sigh..I feel rather guilty. I couldn't come up with the songs or the theme. hahaz..sorry pearl! Pearl told me that she believed the theme was on faith in God and His love. Interestingly, I think so too! I opened my bible to where I last stopped reading. As I read on, I realised that I was reading about the feeding of the five thousand, Jesus walking on the water and the feeding of the four thousand. And they are all about faith!

It does take alot of trust in Jesus for the 12 disciples to actually try to feed the crowd with only a few loaves and fish. Jesus also chided Peter for his little faith. "You of little faith," He [Jesus]said," why did you doubt?"

Yea..why do we doubt? Why do we doubt the God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit? We admit that God was the creator of this earth. He is the Lord God Almighty - and nothing is impossible for Him. Yet, we still doubt.

It takes alot of faith to believe that our invisible yet omnipotent God is there even if we can't feel or see Him. It is indeed a difficult thing to do because it sometimes defies the norms of this world.

Many a times, I wonder why God speaks to some people so audibly while I have never heard from Him directly except through the Bible. Sometimes I think He is speaking to me but I have doubts - is it really Him or just my imagination? I still want to know. How do I know??? I guess I truly have to work on my faith and my sensitivity to the Lord's Voice. But How?

Lord, please show pearleen and I (as well as the rest of the worship team) what to do and what You want us to do that will please You. Use us for Your glory, my Lord. We know that You will lead us through.

2005-11-27T06:37:00.000+08:00

So Graduation Night has come and gone.

I still remember the times in sec 1,2 &3 that my friends and I used to be so excited about that special night, ever-wishing that it would be our turn soon. How we would be dreaming about the kinds of dresses we would wear, where the event would be held, so on and so forth.

Strange though, this excitement seemed to have worn off on the day of grad nite. The only thing that made me jumpy was whether or not I would be late. I reached Swissotel (Merchant Court) at 6.50pm - about 35 minutes late. hA. I missed the cocktail. Anyway, everyone was still running around and many came much much later than I did. Surprisingly, Ying Hui was early!

I felt rather homemade when I saw the way everyone else was dressed. Not that I didn't look nice. Fair enough, I looked nice, I mean the dress did suit me fine. But as far as make-up and hair-dos were concerned, I probably didn't do so well because I just did everything at home. Another surprising thing this year was the way my batch dressed. Unlike the previous batches which wore shiny satin dresses and looked as though they were bridesmaid, majority of my cohort wore something that is much more for parties than anything else. So there! I wasn't the only one who bought something that wasn't satin. I did feel a leetle inferior to my friends because they seemed much more elegant pretty than I did. Oh well, I'm probably not cut out to be the glamorous type, I guess. And you know what? I think I might prefer that. I just like my shorts and t-shirt!

Prerana won the Miss Crescentian 2005. Good for her! She does put herself forward as a confident young lady, with a good sense of humour yet matured thinking. She has always been, since the time I knew her four years ago.

Mrs Yeo won the Most Fashionable Teacher Award. It's quite funny actually because she's the new discipline mistress. I never imagined that a discipline mistress would ever be able to have such good taste.

I took numerous pictures with my classmates, friends and teachers and before I forget, I took quite a few of the roses on my table too. Halfway through the whole event, I suddenly became very interested in the bowl of 3 roses on the table. I started to snap pictures of them and managed to get some nice ones too. I was sorely tempted to start plucking out all the petals of the roses and photograph the inside just for amusement but I didn't think the waiters wouldn't exactly find it amusing.

I don't really feel anything even though grad nite is over. All I know is that it is - over!

P.S. I seem to be the shortest in every photograph (except when I am with Paula, Namira and Mrs Heng.) -_-

P.S. 2 Halfway through prom, my shoes cut my toe. oUch.

2005-11-22T22:00:00.000+08:00

So O level is over. I am definitely happy but frankly, it's like any other day. Sometimes I still find myself worrying about my work. I am just relieved that I can do other things now. I am truly having a difficult time sorting out my books and worksheets. I can't bear to throw anything away! If I did so, it would be as good as throwing hundreds and hundreds of dollars away! To all juniors who are reading my blog.. please tag my blog if you are interested in having my books. I am thinking of selling them but on second thoughts maybe I will just give them away to you.
PLEASE TELL ME ASAP!

2005-11-01T15:41:00.000+08:00

I think ying hui is very excited about grad nite. she's hasn't seemed to have gotten the whole idea out of her head since last tues. hA!

2005-11-01T15:39:00.000+08:00

4g3! Get ready! I'm think I'm gonna get you crazy over edamame!

(Japanese soya beans)
Think cavell's food blog is rubbing off me..been eating beans the whole day.

2005-11-01T15:22:00.000+08:00

My dad, mum and I had quite a fun time laughing just now. Just before my dad reached home, my brother accidentally upset a whole pile of CDs from the piano. What a crash! There were a number of broken cases (thankfully, no broken CDs) and some sharp fragments on the floor. I was quite angry with my brother initially but I couldn't keep it up for long. At first, I scolded him for not helping to pick up the CDs. He place one of the songbooks back into its sleeve to no avail, partly because he was very sleepy. He tried but couldn't. He started muttering and complaining softly. I thought he was just unhappy that he had to help clear up. It apparently wasn't. A few minutes later, he was beginning to cry. He took his favourite white pillow and went to our backyard where the dustbins are and continued whimpering. By then, my dad was already home. I told dad what happened and the whimpering became louder. My brother lay down on the floor of the backyard, still sobbing. A ha! So we finally understood what he was doing. Walter was feeling very bad that he had toppled the CDs. He felt even worse when he knew he would be yelled at by my dad. He went to the backyard where we always threatened to send him to (to sleep) if he misbehaved. He was punishing himself! (before anyone could scold him..hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) SHA GUA! In chinese that is zi yuan..no I am not translating that.

We were all laughing and spliting our sides secretly. I haven't stopped laughing since.

2005-11-01T15:19:00.000+08:00

We baked cupcakes in the afternoon. Not bad. It turned out nicely. Using Hershley chocolate cake mix, it wasn't dry or too sweet..just right! I did most of the baking too...first time baking at home..hey..I thought I was supposed to be studying? hA!

2005-11-01T15:15:00.000+08:00

Last night, my family decided we were not hungry so we stayed home and ate only bread for dinner. What a mistake. We went to sleep at 9pm because we were all tired only to wake up at 1am this morning, complaining of hunger. So much for sleeping early!

2005-10-31T12:51:00.000+08:00

RAINBOW
RAINBOW
RAINBOW
RAINBOW
RAINBOW
RAINBOW
RAINBOW
RAINBOW
RAINBOW
RAINBOW

just decided to be wu liao.

2005-10-31T12:39:00.000+08:00

It was fun talking to Sandy and Serena today..haha...=)

Sandy! Give me your blog address!
Bring your baby photos too kaes? =)

2005-10-31T12:02:00.000+08:00

I bought two books today. One of them is entitled "Messianic Prophecies Fulfilled in Jesus Christ". That book may be simple and cheap but it contains valueless prophecies that were fulfilled in Jesus Christ alone (duh!). It wonderful to know that so many there have been so many prophecies and all of them have been fulfilled in just one man alone - Jesus Christ. In fact, there are still so many more prophecies in the Bible, some already come to pass and some that are to come to pass, soon. I especially love the ones on the End Times. Not that I will like the tribulation. It's just that God's power is going to be displayed on this earth! HALLELUJAH!

The other book i bought was a children's book, called "Hey, that's not what the Bible says!" It's hilarious! Extremely cute! I like the new testament submarine thing...hahaz..
I think Fish will like the book!

2005-10-31T11:30:00.000+08:00

Finally Sunday came and it is about gone. I always love Sundays because it's God's day. Today's sermon was on remaining strong in our faith in God during trials and tribulations as well as temptations. The thing that caught my attention was the powerpoint on the Suffering Church. What is the Suffering Church? It is part of God's family who is being persecuted for turning to Christ. Fact and Figure: Each year, 250 million christians are persecuted for being a christian! 250 million!! Can you believe that? That is about sixty-two and a half times the number of Singaporeans! I never knew that in the modern world, there are still so many people who are being tortured for the cause of Christ. (That shows how covered up I am...=( ) Anyway, I really awed by Suffering Church's strength to be able to endure and withstand the trials yet continue to grow in numbers..Praise God! I hope and believe that when it is time for me to go through the same suffering, God will carry me through.

Another thing that really amazed me today (and yesterday was about Isreal. Such a small nation yet spotlights are all on that recently regathered nation. Throughout the ages almost ever since the beginning of time, Isreal has existed and still exists until today. Despite opposition from numerous strong nations and tonnes of attempts to totally destroy them, they have maintained their identity as Jews and lasted until today. When so many other races have slowly disappeared due to changes, this race has stood strong. But it is by the GRACE OF GOD that they are still a nation! They are God's Children and God will not allow His chosen ones to be wiped out. So I say to all, They will last as long as God wills and God will protect them. Whoever goes against them will unfortunately not be successful to destroy them totally because God will not allow it. (why try? It ain't very good to bring God's wrath upon oneself...it's disastrous...)
Need examples?
Hitler wiped out millions of Jews yet there still are millions of Jews out their in the world and they are still flourishing!
Look at the bible!

2005-10-30T14:19:00.000+08:00

I think I am going to blast out at smokers. Don't mind me.
DO YOU KNOW HOW DIRTY YOUR LUNGS ARE?!?!?!?!
You may say it's your right, but hey. You are intruding into NON-SMOKER'S rights! You might not mind getting your lungs filthy but we do! Please! Keep the smoke to yourself.
But I really do not get people who enjoy smoking. Why do people still want to smoke when they know it kills them? I have seen pictures of real lungs, diseased because of smoking. They are really grotesque looking things - black, mutilated by smoke, some are out of shape. I was doing the Kid's Against Cancer Smoking project last year and since then, I am totally against every single cigarette. Perhaps one day you will find me in one of those clubs advocating against smoking. =) But truly, if only the Cancer Centre was willing to give me a real human lung sample which was diseased due to smoking, I would have handled it gladly. Just so I can SCARE people. AA..but I didn't get what I requested though my friends and I managed to get our hands on some cool and good material.

Anyway, I am suddenly talking about this because there was this young male smoker in front of my house today. Reasons why I am irritated:
1. I get the smoke - my lungs get dirty.
2. He was smoking at the swimming pool when the rules specifically say NO SMOKING. (complain!!!)
3. He was flicking his ash into a grass patch in front of my window. If the grass had caught fire, I would have been the first one to be BARBEQUED. AND I DO NOT INTEND TO BECOME BARBEQUED CHICKEN.

STOP SMOKING!!!

p.s. I don't want to die too early, got it?

2005-10-30T11:45:00.000+08:00

My dad found a passport photo of me when I was a baby. I was so ADORABLE!! No, I am not being thickskin. If my dad hadn't told me it was me, I would have thought it so anyway. The photo was taken when photos came in only black and white and when I still had all my baby fats and 'chicken drumsticks' (as my mum describes baby's legs). I was sitting on my father's lap and staring rather intensely at something that was beside the camera, probably the photographer. I was frowning and my mouth was upturned as though wondering what funny adult business all this was about. How wierd adults must have seemed to a baby whose life is all about mummy, daddy, milk, sleep and biting things.

My mum says that my baby photo looked exactly like hers. Both of our foreheads are bIg (Tania calls me a senior with the luo-han forehead. AA!!) and both of us were frowning. I compared it with my brother's baby photo. His face is elongated while mine is squarish. I looked suspicious but he looked rather placid.

But we all have my mother's eyes! and I have my father's faceshape!

p.s. Judging by my frown, I must have been quite a fierce baby.

2005-10-30T11:15:00.000+08:00

My brother put makeup today. Shocked? lOl. Nothing really. He just was performing for his kindergarten' graduation. It was held at Victoria concert hall. Never remembered having my graduation concert anywhere else but at school. Anyway, he wore a shiny white costume and had a blue sash over it and a string tied at his waist. Whether he was an angel or a shepherd, I cannot decide. If he was perfoming as an angel, he had no halo. If he were a shepherd, he had no sheep (baa!). I didn't go and watch so my question can probably never be answered. Talking about sheep, when I performed at my own graduation concert, I performed as a sheep. So I sang a baa baa song. And won a prize! =) Still remember donning my ballet leotard and lace tutu that my mum made and wearing a fleecy hairband over my hair. I think we sang something about sheep and hypocrites. Well, they don't link but hey! That was exactly a decade ago?

My brother was an eskimo rubbing his bum trying to keep warm last year, this year he's and angel/shepherd/whoever who wears what he wore, I wonder what he will be next year. I am definitely going to watch that one!

2005-10-29T12:38:00.000+08:00

Interesting. I thought I was supposed to stay home to study for Os. Instead, I found myself out of the house and in the heart of Orchard Road, you guessed it - shopping. My mum insisted that I go out with her. Her aim was to buy an air pot. (not an air port, please.) My mum, brother and I took a taxi to Centre point and later we walked over to Orchard Point. To cut the long story short, my mum got an air pot with the dechlorination feature that she wanted as well as a pair of slippers, my brother bought a a microbead dolphin and I bought a white evening bag to match my grad nite dress and a pair of sunglasses. By the end of five and a half hours, I am totally dead out. Shopping isn't exactly my hobby though I like pretty things. Ater a while, I find it meaningless. I glad to back home and to my books.

2005-10-29T12:30:00.000+08:00

I like the last page of yesterday's urban section. It was really funny. It featured this Artic explorer and things in his bag. Reasons why I like that article:
1. It did not feature another artiste or singer.
2. It was very interesting to find out how he survived the cold and the dirtiness! (he rubbed snot all over his face to protect it. YEW!!)
3. I found out that Polar bears love toothpaste! They can smell it 80 km away!!
THAT'S SO CUTE!! =)

2005-10-28T14:47:00.000+08:00

Faith like a Child
I was just praying with my brother. He requested that my whole family pray before we sleep. I now realise something. I understand why Jesus told his disciples to be like little children in their faith. As I listened to Walter pray, he repeated thanked God for creating the things around him. He thanked God for food to eat. And he also said that he would "make a mountain to show how much I love You." He gave/dedicated everything unto God! He mentioned no requests at all because he knows that everything needed will be provided for.

So this is the childlike faith - to pray, to thank God, to express our love for Jesus and to dedicate our lives unto Him. God also wants us to trust Him for He will provide everything for us in His own special way. He has promised that.

"So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil or spin; yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?" - Matthew 6:28-30

We must have faith in Him!

2005-10-28T08:34:00.000+08:00

My mum's a superwoman. =) She's strong! In the morning, she managed to move her king'-size bed (complete with a superheavy mattress and bulky wooden bedframe) into another position all by herself. How does she do it? I tried pulling at the whole bed..can't even move it one bit. Oh well, knowing my mum, she will and can move almost everything. Otherwise, how will she keep the whole house so spick and span until the floor squeaks under our feet? Sometimes it's so clean, we want to levitate so we won't dirty the floor again. *grins. Ah..but I have learnt the art of cleaning the floor too!

Just after I woke up, my mum told me to occasionally try the grad nite dress we bought on last sunday. She says that I had better see whether I have grown too fat for it - within 4 days. I tried the dress again, and no, I haven't grown fat yet. (Hope I don't during the exam period. I suppose stress will burn off any won't it?) Even if she hadn't told me to put it on, I would have done so anyway. I absolutely love that dress! It's really beautiful! =) I love its bluish-emerald green shade and its frills. Come to think of it, it looks like one of those dresses that Hollywood actresses wear. So that was what my mum meant by a grad dress not made of the usual satin material. She didn't want me to wear a satin dress. She said it would make me look like a bridesmaid and I got this dress! Made of 100% pure silk (poor silk worms), it definitely didn't come in cheap. $230. My heart nearly stopped when I heard that price and it was already discounted. (poor papa's too, I think.) As a consolation, I know I am not going to buy another of this sort of dress for many-a-year. I don't have to because it's lovely. I am wearing for JC grad nite too, two years down the road. That is, if I keep my figure.=) Thank you papa and mama! (and God too!)

2005-10-27T13:56:00.000+08:00

How could I ever forget to describe the pau incident?! Before a scatter-brain of me forgets, here it is:

Yesterday morning, my mother wanted to eat pau (not you pearl! =D ) for breakfast so she steamed some in a pot (new one, mind you) while I was washing up in the toilet. When I came out of the toilet, I found her very frustrated because she could not open the pot cover! I saw her trying to lift the cover but to no avail so I offered to help. Unfortunately, I met with the same plight of not being able to open it. The cover wouldn't even budge. When asked how she manged to get the cover stuck, my mum said that she had left the paus boiling for too long, the cover went 'pop' and the its centre dented on its own. (I am thoroughly amazed at this particular pot. Never heard of one so intimidating.) For the next ten minutes or so, we pulled, pushed, yanked, tugged at it. We even used a screw driver to try to pry open the pot cover. People passing by our kitchen window seriously must have thought us mad. Indeed, my hungry mother was so mad she threatened the pot that if it didn't open, she would throw it away as well as the paus. Of course, pots and paus are deaf. I lifted the whole pot by the pot cover and started shaking it. My mum chided me for that because we would get soggy paus. Oh well, it was worth a try. =) In the end, we ate something else for breakfast. I entered the kitchen again to wash my plate and I discovered that something was sizzling. I turned around to see what was making the noise. It was the pot! I immediately called my mum who rushed to the kitchen and we both stared at the sizzling pot. When the sizzling became softer, I gently lifted the cover and TA DA! THE POT WAS OPEN! So. The pot finally opened didn't it? To reveal two big, fuzzy-wuzzy, soggy paus. Guess I shook it too hard! =)

2005-10-26T08:47:00.000+08:00

What a day! Or rather what an exam!! haha..well, today I had chem O level practical and there was lots and lots of drama in my lab today. First we had a breakage of I do-not-know-what. I do suppose that is normal but what came next was quite unexpected. In the middle of our practical, Weiling suddenly vomitted..poor thing really..being sick during an O level exam. She looked fine earlier in the morning. Anyway, many teachers and lab-techs (about 7-8 people) swarmed in and started fussing over her. After fussing over her, they congregated in the small lab-tech room next my lab and there they remained talking and discussing. Then Audrey managed to set her portable bunsen burner on fire!! It was a reasonably big fire for her bench. As Audrey was panicking at the side, all the teachers peeked out of the room and Mrs. Chia began telling her loudly," Turn it off! Turn it off!" Audrey didn't dare and at that moment, everyone - whole troop of teachers and lab-techs, ran out of the small room to the rescue of the damsel in distress. A few of them tried to fan the fire, quite unsuccessfully. Mrs Chia threw a DRY rag over the fire which of course didn't work and Mr Lim picked up the whole bunsen burner and threw it into the sink. Macho guy, man! HAHA!! It was really a sight!! An extremely HILARIOUS one!! Apparently my friends do agree with me because after the exam, all who were in my lab were chortling and laughing over it. In fact, when I told my friends who were in the other lab next to mine about it, we were all in hysterics. Audrey definitely was laughing. Sakina (from the other lab) complained laughingly, if there is such a work, "How come all the drama is in your lab ar? My lab very boring leh!!"

I have only 1 word for this, "HA!"