Tuesday, January 03, 2006
First day of school! In a new school!
It is really one day in Jjc! This is the one observation I have made today: the Jjcians are very united and enthusiastic. They practically cheered whole day, and of course the J1s had to join in. Their cheers are VERY strange but VERY funny. There are so many cheers and all are so foreign to me! There are probably about 50 OGLs but they are loud enough to drown all the J1s cheers, especially my OGL, melissa! Her voice stands out partly because it becomes really shrill and squeaky when screaming (and really clear!) Go melissa! When the OGLs cheer, there is never a single one who won't stop whatever they are doing and start bellowing.
I'm in family 3 and group 12. People there are
quiet CAN? They don't talk much unless there is something to talk about. They can't talk non-stop. My first friend? Hui Hui. How we became friends is quite lame. Here it goes. She exclaimed that the parade square in Jjc is like the one in her primary school. So I asked which primary school she was from. She said that it was very ulu one so I won't know. I said nevermind, just tell me, maybe I know. So she said Zhang De. Then I said, Oh I know that school, do you know yinghui. She said yes and do you know shuang ying. Yes I know if I ever hand this in paragraph, my english teacher will just chop off my head. Oh well, that was how we became friends! =D
Besides cheering, we played some games and DANCED. I think the dance is nice. Too bad I have a stone for a partner. Girls are supposed to dance with boys. Naturally the boys and girls won't want to partner each other. That's fine. But how about having the boys running away from you? Or being partnered with a boy who stands there and refuses to dance and keeps on complaining that he will fall. YAH. I know I'm not that pretty but I'm not that bad can? I don't bite. I don't have the words on me that says: BOYS RUN FOR YOUR LIVES. Or am I really
that unlikable? all boys pls tell me. Irritating. Hope I change partner.
Monday, January 02, 2006
It was a thoroughly difficult week last week. I won't describe it in detail but I can assure you that I have become so spiritually dry and so miserable many a time.
Travelling was one of the factors that triggered this. I guess this is the low after the high that I was in after Jael camp. I actually brought along my big and heavy study bible, believing that I would spend time studying the bible slowly. It turned out to be the exact opposite. I couldn't even bring myself to open my bible! I don't know why but I really started to drift away from God. The only thing the bible did for me was to add weight to my backpack and that, was entirely my fault.
Yet this trip has set me thinking and made me aware that if on a trip like this - one that was supposed to be for relaxing but became a stressful and worrisome one, what would happen if I tried going on a mission trip to a perhaps even more run-down place? Will I drift further from God? I realised that I wasn't close enough to God. Even trivial things like dirtiness of the accommodation created a barrier between Jesus and me. This means I have so much more to do for my relationship with Jesus.
This period of time also helped me to find the love of a few of the friends I am closest to. I realised that I started to confide in 3 people the most - pearl, fish and lizhen. Perhaps for the first time did they ever hear from a stressed and totally lost charmaine. I guess I never dared to reveal this side of me before because I was afraid that when I did, people would leave me or dislike me. But Thank God, I mean seriously, I opened out to them. And for the first time ever did I find friends who actually listened, not just with ears but with understanding. Their responses are so different from those that I received over the years. Many a times, when I am sad, people try to encourage me but from just from that alone, I know that they had not been listening at all. They weren't interested, they just thought by saying
anything encouraging, they thought they were being good and supportive friends. But NO. I found out what real good and supportive friends are like. Pearl, Fish and Lizhen listened and understood. They didn't fun away from me or give me the feeling that they treated me with contempt. They earnestly encouraged me. Thanks pearl, fish and lizhen! I really love u all..
And I love Jesus even more. Although I am still very spiritually dry, God has not left me because I have neglected Him. Instead, He has provided friends to love and care for me. I am definitely not on the spiritually high that I was in during the camp but I know that I want to love the Lord even more. And if I don't, life would be truly meaningless for me.